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Break the Cycle of Poor Mindsets in Caribbean Women

“They only hear what they want to hear or what they are conditioned to hear. Regardless, when they are stuck in their own story they won’t be able to hear it”


by Talesha Jones

Disclaimer

This post can be harsh at times. So if you’re soft hearted and not open to change then I recommend that you do not read any further. Explicit language can be found. Of course, this is an average based on my experiences, what I have observed in real life and what I researched. I fully grasp the fact that not all young adults are the same.


With that being said here are 5 tips for the success of a black young lady.

1. Don’t follow in the footsteps of your family members sadly

Sometimes it’s okay to disobey your elders. Times are different and some of the things that applied to them when they were younger will not apply to you.

For example

“I wanna be an artist”

“No son you have to go to school and get an education to be in a big position at a huge corporate office. Get a profession”

This is sadly the reality of many persons today. Families will oftentimes give you advice on subjects they have no clue about. To put it frankly if you’re mom became a stripper to help pay the bills, or your dad did drugs back in the day then the last thing you would want to do is follow in their footsteps. Most of our parents never really grew up with riches and the vast amount of information we have today.

The point is just be aware and take every little bit of information that you receive from your parents with a grain of salt. Question them and think freely, outside the box. If you want to go in a different path than your forefathers then you’ll have to start thinking differently.

2. Stop listening to negative and objectifying music about black women.

Listening to Lucia Soca 2018

Your thoughts are manifested into reality. Most of the time, what you watch and listen to make an impression on you. This is especially true for young and docile minds. If you hear music that constantly objectifies women and pushes drug use, you will soon think it is okay.

“But the music is lit, can’t I have fun once in a while ?”

“Music doesn’t define me, just because a song says to do drugs and kill people doesn’t mean I’m gonna do it”

Look at it from a language point of view. You listen to music that calls women hoes, thots and tramps. You go out then there’s a couple of young people listening to that same music picking up the vocabulary. As explained here . We are all familiar with the act of ‘cat calling’. If there are a group of people, ultimately young men in this scenario, who listen to this type of music and builds their vocabulary on this. What do you think they’re going to think of you?

Now you’re accustomed to this language, you hear it all the time through the music you’re listening to.

Jamal calls you a thot because he thinks it fine. Lil pump said it, why can’t he to you? Hell you listened to the song with him. You allowed lil pump to say it to you why can’t he?

I don’t care, I like what I like!

The real question is

Is your mind strong enough to defend yourself and not succumb to social labeling?

I will leave it at that.

3. Hair and appearance shouldn’t take up so much of your time

When I was younger. I remember looking myself in the mirror and thinking I wasn’t pretty enough. I had short natural hair (that didn’t seem to be growing) a huge gap in my teeth and I just wanted to change myself. I would spend so much time and money on my hair that it came to the point where I was willingly being late to school.

Hear that. Missing out on VALUABLE Education.

I look back and literally cringe when I remember all the money I spent on something that was so frivolous. In the BVI, the typical cost of box braids were between $120-$150 depending on the length and thickness. Plus the cost of the hair itself.

Don’t even get me started on the cost of hair products

The point is. Money and time could have been used for something far more important. I am totally guilty of this and I know so many others who are in this trap.

Here are a few things you can invest into:

  • Online courses
  • Paying for college
  • Saving up for an event that is important to you
  • Audiobook platforms
  • A car
  • A business venture that you’re passionate about

Just to name a few.

So I can’t wear weave and do my hair now ?

I’m not saying that at all. Of course you can do this if you have the money and could use a little confidence booster, but if you’re not going anywhere and have no one to impress…

Learn to rock your natural hair once in a while.

4. Money is the Root of all Evil…. No it’s not

Stop the poor man mentality

Money is the root of all evil

The truth is money is just a tool that man uses. A kitchen knife is a tool that can be used for cooking and for murdering. I believe the root lies within man who who would do anything for money. Hence, evil is rooted in the lack of money.

That’s just my little opinion but back to how it affects you.

Money brings power and freedom. Being poor is not the lack of money. It is actually a mindset that sadly many of us were raised with.

Changing your mindset on money and success will work wonders on you. Instead of thinking of all the ways on why you can’t do something think of the ways on how you can do something else.

The “poor dad” mentality states that your wealth depends on your family of origin. That is, to be rich you have to be born rich. “Rich dad” espoused the view that being rich or poor is something that you learn. You can learn to think in ways that will support you, and you can raise your financial IQ by reading books on finance, talking to financially successful people, and attending seminars and lectures. When you have the right belief system and the necessary knowledge on how to create, build, and protect wealth, you will become rich even if you were not born into a wealthy family.

I highly recommend the book Rich Dad Poor Dad. It speaks wonders on Financial literacy and shifts your mindset on money and wealth. This topic should be mandatory in Caribbean schools if you ask me.

5. Choose your relationships wisely

Now this one is pretty obvious. You are who you choose to hang out with.

peer pressure blaze blah.

Here’s what you don’t know. Bad relationships aren’t just bad because of what they make you do but how they make you feel. Being in a relationship with someone who dampens you or prevents you from excelling is frankly a waste of time. Negative relationships may lead to depression and a feeling of worthlessness.

Trust me you’re worth way more than you think. Your mind is filled with creativity that’s just waiting to be put into action and I know you have something to offer to the world.

So remember choose your relationships wisely. This may be a friend or even a family member that’s toxic. So how do you know if it’s toxic?

Well if it’s not obvious..

Have a conversation with a friend and bring up something that you like to talk about. Heck bring up the question of what they are planning on doing Tomorrow! If they can’t come up with a substantial answer or are lost and say something along the lines of

“Idk chill or something”

Then you know what is up. Especially if this person has been chilling for a while. They might just chill their life away and take you along with them.

BONUS; Start small, success doesn’t happen overnight

Think of the most successful person you know right now. I can guarantee that what you’re looking at isn’t the product of a first time try but months or even years of hard ground work.

The truth is..

Success doesn’t happen overnight

It takes guts, time and lots of risk for a person to experience the benefits of a successful career. Whether you want to be a doctor or a professional basketball player. There are going to be people that say you’re not strong enough or smart enough(this might even be yourself) but you just have to remember that you can be any thing you want to be literally. If you have to move out of the country you’re living in then so be it. Get that dream done!

The Takeaway

So you made it to the end. Those are my top tips for the success of any one; particularly black women. Share this post with anyone you wish success upon. I’m still finding my self and I’m experimenting with new ways to go about life. I’m going to follow this list personally and see how far it takes it me. Start your journey today.

Thanks for reading

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